THE “ARTIFICIAL” IN AI is a MacGuffin. The taproot of this ideology is intelligence: that is, an intelligence that can be measured and ranked, an intelligence that is both quantifiable and presumptively quantified. Presumptively, because those asserting its value rarely bother with the measurement itself, preferring instead to infer it from other characteristics. Being in a position of authority, if one is wealthy, cisgendered, male, and white, is taken as a priori evidence of brilliance. If one is none of those things, then any status is presumed to be unauthorized, a trick, a manipulation, a witch disguising herself with a glamour—the dreaded “DEI-hire.”