*Alternate Title:* May I? You Mayo.

I’m not sure if it’s a Lowell thing, a New England thing, or a Ben-is-woefully-ignorant thing, but there has been some major innovation in terms of “salad.”

I put salad in quotes because this is not your leafy green, or even weedy weird, salad with the pine nuts, raisins if you’re lucky, and maybe a little balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil to round it out.

No, dear reader, this is the meat meet mayo abomination that, having taken hold in our church socials, is fattening it’s way towards mainstream America. So far I count:

Egg Salad (The classic cholestrol coronator)

Tuna Salad (A little fishy)

Seafood Salad (It’s not tuna salad)

Chicken Salad (Poor bird)

Ham Salad (The even whiter meat)

Only God knows what substance they Mayonaise Advisory Council will think of adding next.

_Dean eats his heart out_